


Sorry

by Snarcasm318



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23595250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snarcasm318/pseuds/Snarcasm318
Summary: My attempt at something cute/comforting
Relationships: Gail Peck/Holly Stewart
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	Sorry

She couldn’t cry.

She wouldn’t cry.

Pecks don’t cry.

Even former Pecks don’t cry.

Crying wouldn’t fix it. Crying wouldn’t put her back on the stand and give her the chance to lie for Steve. Not that she was sure she could. Even now. Even knowing that it would cost her everything she had been building. She just didn’t know.

Except that she wouldn’t cry.

Crying wouldn’t fix anything. It wouldn’t make admitting that she wasn’t good enough to be a mom any easier. Crying wouldn’t erase the look of disappointment on LauraLee’s face when she stepped into the bar and saw Gail already drowning the tears she couldn’t shed. She had been on the receiving end of that look her entire life. Why would it be any different now? She wasn’t different. She had tried and she had failed. She was still the pale fail.

But the tears were there.

They had started to slip out. When she said the words aloud. As reality hit. They came for just a moment when LauraLee first walked away and Gail let her veneer slip slightly. She had let herself breathe and her stupid eyes had leaked. So she drank. Letting the bartender pour her just enough drinks that she couldn’t drive herself. But not enough that she could get in a cab.

The tears had stopped way before then.

It was Chris who took her home. Gently guided her into the cruiser even though he was supposed to be working and made sure that she got into their building okay. She had shoved him away when he offered to help her to their apartment. Chris had promised to be there for her and he was. But she didn’t want him around. She didn’t want anyone around. 

Well, there was one person. 

But Gail couldn’t let herself think about that. Because then the tears would come again. And there was more whiskey in her system than water. She wanted to keep it that way. She had failed enough. Not been enough too many times. She had lost it all. Lost everything, everyone she wanted in her life. They were gone. 

She was alone.

Stumbling off the elevator, Gail cursed when she dropped her keys. She was so busy staring at the floor and willing them to get up on their own that she didn’t notice anyone else was there until a tan hand scooped them off the floor.

“Hey.”

Her head shot up so fast she was sure she had whiplash, “Holly?”

The brunette smiled just slightly, a small uptick of one side of her lips. “Did you forget me already?”

“What are you doing here?”

“I heard about Steve’s trial.”

“Who…” She started to ask, but it hit her, “It was Oliver wasn’t it?”

Holly held up her hands, “Don’t be mad at him.”

“I’m going to kill him. That traitor.”

“For calling me?”

“For getting you involved. You left. You’re gone. Like everyone else. Well you know what? I don’t need you anymore. I don’t need anyone, okay. You can’t fix this. You can’t-you can’t fix me.”

Gail lashed out. It was what she did best. She said words that she knew would cut. Cut deep and make the person run. It had already worked on Holly once. It needed to work again. Because having Holly standing there. With that smile on her lips, and the concern in her eyes, and the gentle way she pulled Gail into a hug, it wasn’t fucking fair. 

She cried.

How could Gail not cry when Holly was holding her so tight? The tears came whether she wanted them to or not. They pooled into Holly’s shirt and Gail’s nose became impossible to breathe through. She cried until her head pounded and her eyes were so swollen it hurt to open them.

She cried in the hallway of her apartment building, on the shoulder of her ex-girlfriend who was supposed to be in another country. She cried on the one person who she didn’t want to see her like this. The one person she had let see her like this before. The only person she would let see her like this.

When there were no more tears left and the hiccups finally stopped she still kept her face pressed into Holly’s shoulder. The feeling of her collarbone against her forehead hurt just enough to remind her that this was real. Holly was really there.

“You’re supposed to be 4,243 kilometers away.” She mumbled.

Gail could feel Holly’s chuckle.

“Did you google it?”

“I did before you even left.”

“And you call me the nerd.”

Gail pulled back and scrubbed violently at her face. She finally stepped back, she needed to distance herself. She had already given up way to much. 

Wrapping her arms around herself, she finally asked, “Why are you here, Holly?”

“Oliver called. He told me what was going on and when he hung up I was going to call you. I don’t know what I was going to say. And everytime I picked up the phone I couldn’t bring myself to hit the button. And then I was leaving work and I just got in my car and ended up at the airport. I know this is crazy. And yeah, now it seems really crazy. But you were right, Gail. San Francisco wasn’t just about the job. I was running away. And it wasn’t until I was there and living the life I thought I wanted that I realized how wrong I had been. My heart just isn’t it.”

“You love your job.”

“I do. But it’s hard to put your heart into something when you left it 4,243 kilometers away.”

“Holly, I can’t...I can’t be the reason you’re here or that you give up what you want. You know that.”

“I know that and I’m not. Not yet. I do have a contract to fulfill. But I’m not going to renew it. I’m going to look for a job that can give me everything I want. And part of that is you. I want you, Gail.”

“I’m a mess, Holly. Everything I touch is ruined.”

“And life’s not a fairytale.” Holly reached out and pushed Gail’s growing bangs out of her eyes. “Life might be a mess but it’s still kind of beautiful.”

“Please, just...please don’t be saying all this unless you-”

Holly cut off Gail’s protest with a gentle kiss. 

“I mean it. Gail. I’m done running away. I want to be here and the person you can count on because I want to be with you. I’m just sorry I didn’t realize it before all of this happened.”

Gail pressed forward, her lips craving the feeling of Holly’s again. This time when the kiss ended she didn’t pull away.

“You’re here now.”

“And I’ll be here later.”

Gail nodded and kissed Holly again. She hoped it was true.

\---

18 months later….

She wouldn’t cry.

She had told herself a thousand times that no matter what, she wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t be one of those women in the airport who cries when they see the person they’re waiting for. No, she would stand there, with her sign, being the stoic person she was.

As soon as she saw Holly’s smile her plan went to shit. Gail could feel her chest filling with each step Holly took in her direction. Her heart felt like it would burst the second that Holly’s arms wrapped around her. 

Yeah, she was one of those women. Her stupid eyes leaked of their own volition. Happy tears because the person she wanted the most had come back to her. And this time she was here to stay. 

Gail would probably fuck it up. Oh she would most definitely fuck up again. But right then, all she cared about was that this time she had a chance. A chance to do it differently. They were going to try it again. They had the chance to try it all again.

When Holly finally let go, she noticed the sign in Gail’s hand and laughed. “Is that a lunchbox?”

“Well, duh, what else would it be?”

“Come on, you dork, let’s go home.”

Gail smiled to herself and quickly wiped the tears from her eyes. Yeah, it was time to go home.

  
  



End file.
